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I am here. Just not making any progress. Will try to post more soon.
I got it into my head I was gonna try the Couch to 5K walk/running program. The first day begins with 2 minutes of walking and 1 minute of running–repeat 10 times. Each day for eight weeks the running increments increase and the walking decreases.
Today was day one.
I managed the first two rounds of walk 2 minutes, run one minute and couldn’t manage to run anymore. The shin splints were extremely painful and my ankles and knees weren’t feeling too great either. I was afraid of this. I’m just too heavy to be running.
It’s okay. There was a time in my life (oh…the first 30 years) that I had no interest what so ever in running or becoming a runner. I’ve never been a runner–I was the slowest in all my classes growing up and it just was so very hard.
But I would like to be a runner..someday.
For now, I’ll stick to the elliptical and I found out there is a deep water aerobics class on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays that I may try. There are some other cardio classes and yoga and pilates too. I’ll keep working towards the running. But for now, I’m going to take it easy on my ankles, shins and knees.
I went off course for 2 months. A combination of factors figured in this detour. First, I weighed in at my local YMCA’s biggest loser challenge and just missed making my goal for the month. I let that get into my head and took a break that was originally only supposed to last a weekend….then a week…which led to a month…which led to nearly 2 whole months.
I gained about ten pounds back. So. Not. Cool.
I have to learn that while its okay to take a little bit of a break, I must get right back on track and I absolutely cannot allow myself to be sucked back into a cycle of drinking diet cokes at every opportunity. It leads to binge eating and uncontrollable cravings for sweets and refined carbs.
Today, I’m choosing to get back on track. No pop. A healthy breakfast and lots of water to start the day and after I take my son to preschool, I went to the YMCA this morning and worked out for an hour. It felt good to get back into exercising.
My husband seems to finally be adjusting some to the Diabetes. He’s not as resentful about it–or at least not as vocal about the resentment and I finally feel like I can get back to healthy choices without his griping about every one of them and how much they suck and how he wishes he could eat what he wants AND that I’m lucky because I can eat what I want–HA!–because I’m not a diabetic and he can never ever have anything he likes ever again.
But I can’t eat whatever I want, as I’ve pointed out to him over and over. Not if I want to be healthy. If I continue with bad habits and poor eating choices my obesity will kill me just as surely as his diabetes will kill him if he doesn’t make healthy choices.
Obesity is a disease too. I absolutely must start treating it as a disease every bit as serious as his diabetes–and so must he.
I’m here! Just drowning. Drowning at work and home and everywhere else. Taking a bit of a hiatus from the regimented, consistent healthy diet.
I intially took a break at the end of February, frankly because of some disappointments that I allowed to get to me and I just needed a break after 2 months of being so good. It was only supposed to be a weekend long break but I’m going on about two weeks now and I’ve made the decision to continue my “break” through the end of this coming week as its Spring Break and we are taking a vacation. I’ll get back to it. I’m not stressing it. And I’m not going totally crazy.
I’ll get back on it the last week of March.
Tonight on the Biggest Loser, Kristen said, “It’s inside of you–like–you have it inside of you, and you just have to find it.”
That hit home for me in a way I can’t fully describe. It makes me smile and cry at the same time. She’s so right. Everyone of us has it inside of us to make the changes in our lives, the kinds of changes that will impact our lives for the better. We won’t find them in a pill. We can’t find them in a gimick or fad diet. There is no easy fix and sitting on your ass wishing it was easier or different somehow will not make it so.
Each of us has to look inside of ourselves and make the choice to get up off our ass and move. Each of us has to make the choice to eat strawberries instead of cheesecake. To choose water over soda. To choose salmon or chicken or lean beef over deep fried corndogs and tator tots.
The motivation comes from within too. Yes, we can find inspiration outside of ourselves but the motivation has to come from within. We must actively search for it and continue to search for and find it with each positive choice we make to change our lives. With each positive choice that motivation, along with momentum, will grow.
One choice at a time, found and made from inside. It’s the only way we can ever truly fulfill our potential and achieve our goals and in so doing, make our dreams come true. No one can do it for us.
I am the only one that can change me. No one else. Only me.
I mean it. I really really love Weight Watchers desserts. Those desserts–especially the ice cream ones, are what I look forward to at the end of the day. When I ‘ve been good all day, stayed in my calorie range, drank all my water, not strayed off plan and eaten crap, that is my reward. I sit down with a Weight Watchers Giant Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream bar or a Weight Watchers Giant Cookies and Cream ice cream bar and I savor the yummy goodness along with knowing that I’ve put in a good days work towards reaching my goals. Another favorite are the Cookie Dough Sundae and the Double Fudge Cake.
As you may be able to tell, I like ice cream and chocolate and cookies and cakes. It’s nice to have a safe low calorie alternative to indulge in, and not feel so deprived.
*This post was not sponsored by anyone. I really love these deserts and just finished one after a day of working in over 10,000 steps toward my goals of becoming healthier. I just wanted to share.*
That’s how much I have lost in one year. In February of last year I measured my neck, my bust, my ribcage, my waist, my hips, and each bicep and thigh. I intended to make changes in my lifestyle and begin losing weight again and so I had written down the measurements in a journal. As of this morning I’ve lost a total of 28 inches off those areas.
While I intended to begin making changes in February ‘08, I didn’t really begin making any changes or progress until May. Since then, I’ve lost a total of 50 lbs.
I’ll take it. It’s progress. And I’m ready to tackle that next 28 inches and 50 lbs. But this time, I’m NOT gonna take a whole year to do it.
cross posted at my sparkpeople blog.
Not me. My husband. After weeks of feeling poorly, my husband went to the doctor.
He has diabetes.
This is the man who has always eaten whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. A breakfast for him might consist of a twinkie or a cupcake. He loves his food fried and salty.
It was quite a blow for him.
But, it’s not like he popped a 400 on his blood sugar. It was 192 fasting. We’ve caught it early. He’s only 32 and I firmly believe that he can manage this with diet and exercise.
He’s not happy about it, but he’s handling it pretty well–much better than I expected him to. I was afraid he might go into a bit of denial, but he hasn’t. He’s making some changes, and now the junk has to leave the house for good. This isn’t just about me losing weight anymore. Yes, my weight affects my health, but not in as imminent a way as diabetes affects his.
He told me yesterday that this confirms God’s sense of humor. He said, “Every day I pray for you to lose the weight and for God to help me to find a way to help you do it.”
Well. This will do it.
*cross posted at my sparkpeople blog*
I’ve lost 15 lbs in the last 5 weeks. That’s 3 lbs a week.
Awesome right?
I know. But I’m impatient. I admit it. I would like to lose faster, even though I know it’s not healthy and it’s less likely to stick. There’s still that part of me that wants instant gratification. That would also be the part of me that got me fat in the first place.
Sigh.
I know better though. It didn’t go on overnight–although it damn sure went on a lot faster than it will take to come off I can guarantee you that. I try to keep perspective though. I make small goals. I set milestones. I sit down with a calendar and I make projections. For example, if I continue to lose weight at a rate of an average of 3 lbs per week until I hit 200 lbs then take it to around 10 lbs a month after that, I will hit goal by next January.
That’s not so bad, right? I mean, I’ve still got over 120 lbs to lose before I’m at goal. Losing that much in a year is frickin’ awesome. If I can do that, stay that focused for 12 months, I will have accomplished something truly amazing.
People won’t even recognize me.
I won’t even recognize me.
I can do this. I can be patient. I have to–one way or another–or it will never happen. I’ll never make goal. So I damn well better develop some patience and consistency and persistance now. NOW more than ever.
P.S. Jeff (my husband) has lost five pounds since the first of the year making hardly any changes at all to his diet.
Sigh…
It’s not easy to be “good”. It’s so not easy to make the right choices. I wanted to order the boneless buffalo wings soooo bad tonight. I wanted to order them and combine them with the baby back ribs and a side of fried potatoes.
I could almost taste it.
But I didn’t. I ordered the grilled chicken salad instead–with the ranch dressing on the side.
Some days I don’t manage to hold out against temptation. Some days I let it all go and I have what I want. I did that several times this weekend–starting early with Thursday night when we went out to the fanciest place in town for our 9th wedding anniversary.
I was not so good that night. Nor was I good Saturday night when we ate at a buffet.
But tonight I was good.
Tonight, I made the right choices even though I’ve been fighting strange emotions that keep tugging at me telling me that I’ll never make my goal weight, so why bother trying? Sometimes, I wonder if I really even want to make my goal weight–especially when I start thinking about the possibility and I don’t feel excitement and anticipation so much as a trembling fear of the unknown.
How can that be?
I’ve been fighting this fight for a very long time, and I’ve never been more aware of those conflicting emotions than I am this time around on this path to weightloss. I suppose I’m making progress. I’m recognizing the emotions, verbalizing them, and trying to understand them instead of covering them up with cookie dough and brownie fudge sundaes.
That’s an intangible kind of progress. Something that only I–and maybe my husband–are aware of, as I talk this stuff through with him, when I’m agonizing over self-doubt.
It’s good progress. It’s what will help me keep making the tangible kind of progress I’ve seen during the month of January, when I lost 14 pounds and 2 inches off my waist, and another 2 inches off my hips. Oh and a half inch off my neck, too.
Good progress indeed.
*cross posted at my Sparkpeople sparkpage*
