It’s all “good” progress

It’s not easy to be “good”. It’s so not easy to make the right choices. I wanted to order the boneless buffalo wings soooo bad tonight. I wanted to order them and combine them with the baby back ribs and a side of fried potatoes.

I could almost taste it.

But I didn’t. I ordered the grilled chicken salad instead–with the ranch dressing on the side.

Some days I don’t manage to hold out against temptation. Some days I let it all go and I have what I want. I did that several times this weekend–starting early with Thursday night when we went out to the fanciest place in town for our 9th wedding anniversary.

I was not so good that night. Nor was I good Saturday night when we ate at a buffet.

But tonight I was good.

Tonight, I made the right choices even though I’ve been fighting strange emotions that keep tugging at me telling me that I’ll never make my goal weight, so why bother trying? Sometimes, I wonder if I really even want to make my goal weight–especially when I start thinking about the possibility and I don’t feel excitement and anticipation so much as a trembling fear of the unknown.

How can that be?

I’ve been fighting this fight for a very long time, and I’ve never been more aware of those conflicting emotions than I am this time around on this path to weightloss. I suppose I’m making progress. I’m recognizing the emotions, verbalizing them, and trying to understand them instead of covering them up with cookie dough and brownie fudge sundaes.

That’s an intangible kind of progress. Something that only I–and maybe my husband–are aware of, as I talk this stuff through with him, when I’m agonizing over self-doubt.

It’s good progress. It’s what will help me keep making the tangible kind of progress I’ve seen during the month of January, when I lost 14 pounds and 2 inches off my waist, and another 2 inches off my hips. Oh and a half inch off my neck, too.

Good progress indeed.

*cross posted at my Sparkpeople sparkpage*


3 responses

  1. Ignore that evil self-defeating talk, I say. You can do this. You just have to be “good” most of the time and let yourself be “bad” some of the times as long as you get back on the good wagon right away. You know this. You’re worth it and your progress is awesome!

  2. I just lost ten pounds (thanks to a boost from my diabetic drug, I’m sure). The doctor said it just proves what I’ve been saying all along. We are not totally in control of our weight loss efforts. Yes, we can do things (like your’e doing) to help, but certain things are out of our hands. I just wish more people in the world would listen to that instead of looking at us the way they do.

    We are beautiful people, damn it.

    Don’t deny yourself anything. Everything in moderation. (Really I didn’t change a thing except to add in a mid-morning snack, and to take the meds. My portions and food items really are better than people think.)

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