For the last five months I’ve barely had time to come up for air let alone take care of myself. I’ve continued to gain weight back. I’m at 298 again. UGH. This cycle has to stop. I’m putting the brakes on now.
I have to make time for myself. Time to eat right and exercise. Time to plan meals and spend time with my family. Time to reflect and journal my progress and challenges. . . . Time to finish my thesis.
I don’t get paid enough to allow my job to consume my life. I’m going to start enforcing that magic word, “no.” I started by dropping all of my children’s extra-curriculars except swimming–and I kept that for their health and mine. We need an activity that will bring regular exercise into our lives and swimming is one way to do it. They can take swim lessons (the oldest will be joining the swim team in November after this last round of swim lessons) and I can exercise in the cardio room or do some deep water aerobics.
I dropped Girl Scouts and my leadership position there. The thought of starting another year with that responsibility had me breaking out and on the verge of an anxiety attack.
Yes, the remainder of this year is still going to be pretty busy, but enough is enough. The next major event at work is three weeks away and I have a couple of quarterly reports, a final grant report, and a newsletter to produce. There are mutliple mini-events associated with the overall big event that have to be carried off, but there is no reason why I can’t make time for myself to plan my meals and exercise. And time to journal my ups and downs and hopefully some progress too. I’m supposed to be keeping this blog for myself and to help me reach my goals. I must start using it that way.
I refuse to take on anymore projects this year and I already have next year mapped out according to priorities as well. I am not superwoman. I cannot do it all. I can do my job and take care of myself–I’m not going to kill myself doing my job anymore–I want to keep loving it, and I’m afraid that love is in jeopardy if I don’t make some changes. And as I’ve said, I don’t get paid enough to do this job as it is–Love has to justify the pay I get, without that love, it’s seriously not worth it anymore. I could substitute in the local schools, have the same basic amount of pay, more freedom and a hell of lot less responsibiltiy.
I’m sick of falling off that damn wagon. I want to get back on and stay there for the remainder of my journey. I’ve got to quit making it so dang hard on myself.