An All or Nothing Mentality

It’s my biggest downfall.  I have issues–perfection issues.  If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t do anything at all–and in fact I go to the opposite extreme.  The all or nothing mentality kills me every time.  If I could conquer it, and accept that every little change I make, every little effort I make–actually could make a difference over time–then maybe I’d be down 30-50 more lbs in the course of a year instead of back up the same 30-50 I lost while I was being “perfect” for 3 months.

The yoyo has gone up and down for too many years as I lose and gain back the same 30-50 lbs over and over again. I can lose 30-50 lbs in 3-4 months and turn around and gain it all back in 2!  And I’m left feeling like my efforts to lose are wasted when I gain it all back.

I’m still working on it.  I wish I could find a therapist to talk to about my food issues.  Several years back I called around town asking if anyone dealt with eating disorders and food addictions and had no luck.  So I keep muddling through trying to figure things out on my own.  I’m self-aware enough to understand what I’m doing, my problem is I don’t know how to correct the problem.  I need coping skills and behavior modification therapy.

I’m cutting back on my time at work.  I’ve taken steps to make my work commitments less demanding so that I can focus on my family and myself and my home as well as helping my husband with his endeavors–and let’s not forget my thesis too.  It’s still out there unfinished.

Honestly, that’s one of my biggest roadblocks–this struggle to finish what I start.  I’m trying to set myself up in a position to succeed though.  I’m still here (or back, rather!) and my motto remains:  “Never give up! Never surrender!”


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