Goals and Timelines

So this week I’m weighing in at 284.3.  I’m always looking ahead, setting goals for later in the year and its time to write them down here and share them.

If I can maintain a steady loss of a minimum of an average of 2 lbs per week these are the milestones I plan to reach or surpass in the coming year:

March 25th is my daughter’s 7th birthday.  Her birthday falls in the middle of week 17 of this journey and I hope to have lost 10 more pounds by then for a total loss of 24 lbs (or more!)  This is five and half weeks away and totally doable by then.

Next milestone is May 22nd, my husband’s 34th birthday.  This will be week 25 and my goal is to weigh no more than 256 on his birthday for a total loss of 42.5 lbs.  This will also fall at the end of my children’s school year and just two weeks before our big summer fundraiser at work. 

Next up is July 4th.  Independence Day is a big deal at our house.  We have family and friends over for a cookout and fireworks and make the day of it.  This will be week 31 and my goal is to weigh in at no more than 244–possibly less for a total loss of 54.5 lbs (or more!).

August 15th my oldest son turns 9.  This will be the week before the kids return to school as well.   I hope to weigh no more than 232 lbs.  In 2003, right before my dad died, I lost around 75 lbs and this weight will put me just under the smallest number I logged when I lost weight that time.  At 232 (or less!) I will have lost 66.5 lbs (or more!)

October 10th, I turn 37 years old.  But that’s not the next milestone I want to focus on.  Instead I am looking ahead one week later to October 18th, when we plan to arrive at Disney World for our family’s vacation.  The last time we went was in September of 2007 and I weighed in the 290s–probably closer to 300.  By the time we step foot on DisneyWorld property again I hope to weigh 214 (or less!).  This will put me very close to my weight when my husband and I married in January 2000.  It will be less than I was weighed when I went for the first time in the Summer of 2000 with my husband and his family–I had already gained around 20-30 lbs since we had married six months before.  When we go to DisneyWorld it will fall right between my birthday on October 10th and my youngest child’s sixth birthday on October 28th.  We will have a lot to celebrate in October at DisneyWorld–in addition to our birthdays–as I will have lost over 84 lbs and will definitely enjoy our trip a lot more than either of my previous two trips when I tired out easier and didn’t fit comfortably in the seats of the rides.  I especially look forward to taking lots of pictures with my family and actually being proud to display them, instead of hiding from the camera or deleting the photos that include me in them.

The final milestone for the year will be New Year’s Day which will mark my 57th week of working steadily towards my goals.  At the beginning of the new year of 2011 I will weigh under 200 at 192 (or less!)–taking me to a total loss of 106 lbs (or more!) It will take me one pound smaller than my lowest weight when I lost using Nutrisystem in 1997–and it will take me to a weight that my husband has never seen me at.

I have a lot to look forward to this year and every reason to remain focused and on track to make 2010 the year I finally reach my goals instead of looking back with regret at what might have been.

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Week 1 of New Beginnings: Down 2.1 lbs

My goal is to lose a minimum of 2 lbs each week (up to 3 lbs would be awesome) I met that minimum goal this week. Even though I wasn’t able to do formal workouts each day as I had planned, and had a less than perfect week nutrition-wise, I managed a 2 lb loss.

I’m thinking more realistically about what I can and cannot do. I cannot be perfect. I just can’t. As much as I want to eat perfectly and workout like a fiend everyday, that’s just not me and its not going to happen. I’m setting myself up for a failure. I can’t be the biggest loser. I know that, I’ve always known that wasn’t possible and that its not healthy either. There has to be a middle healthy ground between working out 2 hours a day, eating 1200-1500 of perfect calories a day and doing NOTHING yet eating closer to 2500 (or more!) calories of junk a day.

I must learn moderation and change my relationship with food. I’m not sure how to do that. I’ve tried many times before. What is it in me that pushes me to such extremes? Why must it be all or nothing–all of the time?

I’ve been thinking about where I am at in my life and where I am going. I’m 36 years old. My grandparents have all lived into their 80s. Only one made it to 90 and the last several years of his life weren’t quality due to a series of strokes in his 80s after my grandmother died.

If you base a human’s projected life span upon what your family members have lived, that means I’ve got roughly 44 years left. I want to make those quality healthy years. I want the chance to live longer than that.

This year, will be the year I finally get this under control and learn how to live with food without over-eating, so that I can become the healthy active energetic person I am meant to be.

Self-diagnosed Pre-diabetic

I’ve made no progress, these past many months. Still sitting at 290ish. And now, I’m prediabetic.

How do I know?

Earlier this year, my husband was diagnosed with diabetes after he had started feeling sick nearly every day. His vision was blurring and in the evenings he was feeling woozy and sick to his stomach–as if he had motion sickness. His eye doctor spotted the signs first and advised a blood sugar test. At first he was in denial–we both were. But it kept happening, and finally he went into the doctor. Sure enough, his fasting sugar was high. Too high.

We have no medical insurance, so now he’s got a label and no insurance. Since the beginning of this year, and his diagnosis in February, he’s managed to get his eating under control, and has lost over 30 lbs. He’s brought his A1C blood test numbers out of the 8s and down to the low 6s, a range his doctor is very happy with. He’s done it without medication.

Meanwhile, I had lost 30 lbs at the beginning of the year and gained it back again. And now, I’m showing symptoms. We’ve used my husband’s testing kit to check my fasting blood sugar in the morning and its in the healthy range but in the evenings I’m not. I just had my husband check my sugar and it was sitting at 134. This weekend I spiked a 202. This isn’t good.

I have to get this under control, now before I’m full blown. How many chances is it going to take? How many warnings do I get before I don’t get anymore?

It has to stop now. I have to change my life.

It’s inside of you

Tonight on the Biggest Loser, Kristen said, “It’s inside of you–like–you have it inside of you, and you just have to find it.”

That hit home for me in a way I can’t fully describe.  It makes me smile and cry at the same time.  She’s so right.  Everyone of us has it inside of us to make the changes in our lives, the kinds of changes that will impact our lives for the better.  We won’t find them in a pill.  We can’t find them in a gimick or fad diet.  There is no easy fix and sitting on your ass wishing it was easier or different somehow will not make it so.

Each of us has to look inside of ourselves and make the choice to get up off our ass and move.  Each of us has to make  the choice to eat strawberries instead of cheesecake.  To choose water over soda.  To choose salmon or chicken or lean beef over deep fried corndogs and tator tots.

The motivation comes from within too.  Yes, we can find inspiration outside of ourselves but the motivation has to come from within.  We must actively search for it and continue to search for and find it with each positive choice we make to change our lives.  With each positive choice that motivation, along with momentum, will grow.

One choice at a time, found and made from inside.  It’s the only way we can ever truly fulfill our potential and achieve our goals and in so doing, make our dreams come true.  No one can do it for us. 

I am the only one that can change me.  No one else.  Only me.

Enter Diabetes

Not me. My husband. After weeks of feeling poorly, my husband went to the doctor.

He has diabetes.

This is the man who has always eaten whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. A breakfast for him might consist of a twinkie or a cupcake. He loves his food fried and salty.

It was quite a blow for him.

But, it’s not like he popped a 400 on his blood sugar. It was 192 fasting. We’ve caught it early. He’s only 32 and I firmly believe that he can manage this with diet and exercise.

He’s not happy about it, but he’s handling it pretty well–much better than I expected him to. I was afraid he might go into a bit of denial, but he hasn’t. He’s making some changes, and now the junk has to leave the house for good. This isn’t just about me losing weight anymore. Yes, my weight affects my health, but not in as imminent a way as diabetes affects his.

He told me yesterday that this confirms God’s sense of humor. He said, “Every day I pray for you to lose the weight and for God to help me to find a way to help you do it.”

Well. This will do it.

*cross posted at my sparkpeople blog*

What I’m Working For

I’m in the groove. Every day I work to get in at least 30 minutes of cardio. Often, I try for more. I’m attempting to keep up with the strength training workouts from the 7 day bootcamp series on Sparkpeople. I’m drinking my water and avoiding diet soda. I’m consistently eating healthier then I have in a very long time. And I’m making progress.

I’ve lost 10 pounds since January 1st.

It’s not easy. It’s never easy. It takes time, it takes focus, and it takes determination. But I’m doing well. I have to remind myself every day what it is I’m working towards.

I’m working towards feeling better about my body.

I’m working towards smaller clothing in cuter styles.

I’m working towards more flexibility and a stomach that doesn’t occupy my lap.

I’m working towards a ten year wedding anniversary spent in Las Vegas, renewing our vows for fun.

I’m working towards a 20 year high school reunion wearing a smaller size then when I graduated from High School in 1991.

I’m working towards taking my children to school without the fear that their classmates will tease them about their fat mom.

I’m working towards a little black dress and high heels.

I’m working towards family vacations where my legs and feet don’t hurt from all the walking.

I’m working towards family photos that I can be proud to hang on the wall.

I’m working towards a longer, healthier, happier, active life.

 

*cross posted on my sparkpeople blog

Incentive

The husband was already waffling last night on his resolve to lose weight in 2009. Later in the evening, after we had gone to the store, he flippantly commented that we should have gotten more snacks–I reminded him that we have plenty of healthy snacks such as fruit.

This morning I prodded him with a bit of incentive, at least I hope it’s incentive.

I told him that if he could stick with this and seriously work towards his goal of weighing 180 by June then this would help me and I could possibly get to below my wedding weight (nine years ago!) by then as well. It’s not my final goal weight. I have a lot more to lose than that, but it’s a significant dent in the overall number I need to lose and could put me close to, or below 200 pounds by then.

He assured me he still wanted to lose weight and that he would work with me. I hope so.

I’m going to the YMCA this afternoon after work. I haven’t been in about two months since I spent most of November and December sick with bronchitis. Thank goodness, I’m finally over it. I’m itching to get back on that elliptical machine.